Posted tagged ‘Life’

Sitting with Patients: A Lesson for Doctors

March 24, 2017

As Colon Cancer Awareness Month draws to a close — AND as the House of Representatives is poised to vote on the terrible AHCA — I’m reposting this. It has to do with any kind of hospitalization — or even office visits.

It was 2001. After being sick for awhile Melinda rushed me to the ER. They kept me, soon saying, “This is your diagnostician” and “This is your surgeon.” And “Cancer…” I had meatball surgery since there was no time to prep, and it was almost too late. Then a week in an induced coma. Next was a CCU room. I had tubes running in and out of me, and I still didn’t know if I would live. Melinda had to get some work done, so I was alone and crying softly to myself when my surgeon came in on her rounds. She had stood before, but this time she pulled up a chair, sat down, and held my hand. I don’t know if she was there for seconds or minutes or an hour, but I felt better. I had hope that I’d have a future.

I had never seen someone so yellow.

It was as if someone had taken a highlighter to the whites of her eyes and coated her skin with a layer of mustard. In actuality, the cancer in her colon had crept to her liver, where it blocked bile from taking its natural path out of the body, causing the ominous yellow chemical to spill into her blood and tissues. She had left the hospital two weeks ago, hoping to die at home, but came back with worsening pain and bloating in her belly — and because she couldn’t stand to look at herself in the mirror.

“Doctor,” she said softly — it was a title that still didn’t feel quite comfortable to me, a newly minted doctor, especially coming from a patient several decades older than me. “You remind me of my nephew.”

She asked me to sit for a few minutes and, shamefully, I hesitated. I had eight more patients to see before rounds and was already running behind. But I sat — listening to a dying woman’s fondest family memories, my mind racing through a seemingly endless list of boxes I had to check that morning. When my pager went off five minutes later, I excused myself, promising to return in the afternoon to finish our conversation.

But I didn’t.

There were new patient admissions. Emergencies on other floors. Notes to be written, consultants to be called, outside hospital medical records to be procured.

When I got home that night, I kicked myself for forgetting to stop back to see her. I briefly considered going back to the hospital but, exhausted, told myself she’d be asleep by now and vowed to arrive early the next morning to spend extra time with her.

She died that night.

The most draining aspect of medical training, it turns out, is not long hours, brash colleagues or steep learning curves — it’s the feeling that you’re often unable to be there with and for your patients in the way you want, in the way you’d always imagined you would be.

For hospitals to run efficiently, it is widely thought that they must operate like companies. There’s a certain number of patients to be seen, doctors to see them, diseases to be managed, procedures to be performed, and hours in which all this must occur. For patients to feel cared for, we must treat them like family — with all the time, energy and compassion that entails.

It’s a tension with which doctors at all levels of training struggle. But the problem may be most acute for new residents who are generally the ones expected to gather, relay and document patient information; to enter orders and coordinate care between medical services; to be the first to respond to patient, family and nursing queries.

So far, residency educational reform has focused on the quantity of hours worked, not necessarily improving the quality of time spent at work. But limiting how long residents spend in the hospital may have actually exacerbated the problem. By squeezing the same clinical and administrative work into fewer hours, do we inadvertently encourage completion of activities essential in the operational sense at the expense of activities essential in the human sense?

It’s no secret that trainees now spend less time at the bedside than ever before. Residents today spend eight minutes per day with each patient — or about as much time over all seeing patients as they do walking around the hospital, and a quarter as much as they do sitting behind a computer screen. The next wave of reform must focus on understanding how best to ensure resident time is spent on direct patient care and meaningful clinical activities.

Part of the answer may be reducing individual workload by training more residents. But, without extending already lengthy training programs, this also carries the risk of precluding residents from managing enough clinical encounters to graduate as competent independent physicians. More promising reforms are those that allow trainees to focus on the types of activities they chose careers in medicine for by off-loading or eliminating other activities. These may include: improving the ease of communication with nurses and consulting medical services; enlisting medical scribes to assist with documentation; minimizing admission and discharge paperwork; streamlining transitions to outpatient care; and automating certain routine procedures and processes.

On some level, though, efficiency-empathy trade-offs are an inevitable and inherent tension in medicine — a function of busy hospitals with complex patients and limited personnel and resources. But I wonder also if this is a trade-off we too readily accept and whether the pendulum has swung too far toward the alter of efficiency.

Surely patients want to be seen and treated in a timely manner, but when we sacrifice empathy for efficiency we fuel what lays at the core of patient — and physician — discontent with modern medicine. We hide behind buzzwords like “patient-centeredness” and “shared decision-making” without being able to offer the time that gives these terms true weight. Ultimately, reconciling this tension may mean reconceptualizing “efficiency” to include the tremendous value that exists in having more time to spend with our patients.

When I think back to that morning with my patient, and many mornings like it, terms like efficiency and productivity seem to lose their meaning. I think of the countless opportunities for compassion I squander every day in pursuit of something far less meaningful to patient and doctor. And I think, next time, I’ll sit.

Dhruv Khullar, M.D., MPP, is a resident physician at Massachusetts General Hospital and Harvard Medical School. Follow him on Twitter: @DhruvKhullar.

https://well.blogs.nytimes.com/2015/03/19/the-importance-of-sitting-with-patients/

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Hope Where There Is No Hope (or Is There?)

December 2, 2016

Diana Bass is an author, speaker, and independent scholar specializing in American religion and culture. She wrote this post on Facebook. Sadly, in our post-election world, she’s had to limit the audience of her posts because public writings have been slammed by trolls. It’s exhausting.

But here she tells a story of a young Black woman who doesn’t have a comparable version of that, who is out there among the trolls on a daily basis. So far this woman has hope. Hope — the theme of the first week of the Advent season. We need to remember this; like Diana, we need to turn from the evil to the light, to acknowledge and lift up those who do the right thing.

__________

I’m in a hotel this morning in Florida where some sort of conservative conference is being held. At breakfast, four older white men were at the table next to me. One was a media activist-pundit (who I think I recognized). They were talking VERY loudly bragging about how they have “total power” and how they are going to destroy everything President Obama did, how easy it is to manipulate people to get them to vote for them and how they planned on taking over every single county government in the state of Florida.

There was a young African-American woman waiting on them. She did her job with thoroughness and kindness. As I watched, they spoke of disgusting racist things and openly extolled DT in front of her — who they seemed to think was invisible. And the more they bellowed their retrograde views, her body actually recoiled as she tried to serve them.

I was VERY angry. VERY ANGRY.

When she came over to my table, I told her that those guys might be white and I might be white but I thought they were assholes and that I wasn’t on board with their plan, how sorry I am about what happened. I told her that wanted to go over to their table and slap them upside the head. She laughed.

She said, “You know, one day all this hate will finally die out. It doesn’t bring life. It cannot survive the long term.”

I said, “I kind of hoped it might die before I do.”

She said, “Well, that’s probably a bit too soon! But I have hope. Hate has no life of its own. Another generation or two. It will die.”

“Meanwhile, we work for our communities. We love our families, care for our neighbors, celebrate life.”

And she went on, “And meanwhile, we work for our communities. We love our families, care for our neighbors, celebrate life. And them?” She gazed over to the table with a mixture of resignation and pain. “They are the last of a dying world.”

As she spoke to me, her back straightened, her eyes glowed, passion filled her voice. And finally she said, “It is really nice, however, that a white lady like you noticed how awful they are. Thank you. We all need to pay attention and do our part.”

She is 27.

Life… and death

January 31, 2012

I’ve lost two friends recently, people who were significantly older, people who I count as dear friends–but as spiritual mentors and guides and role models as well. Neither of their deaths was a surprise… but I’ve been hit more deeply than I could have anticipated. My life was enriched by each of these people, Bill and Margaret; their deaths have left that hollow empty place in my soul.

My friend Donna posted on Facebook today about the death of one of her students–the first of her students to die. Donna wrote:

The first of my former students passed away yesterday: Kirby Capen ’07. She successfully petitioned the Engineering Program to allow her to take ASL as her foreign language. Between graduating and taking an engineering job in the field of energy efficiency, she won a grant from Projects for Peace to teach beading to teenage girls in Ghana, working to create relationships of understanding across deaf and hearing communities and across religious backgrounds. May her memory be for a blessing.

Some people life a far longer lifespan and accomplish far less than this. Indeed, Kirby’s memory, even though I never met her, blessed me today.

And so I looked at the link that Donna posted, to KirbyStrong, a blog-diary on the life-and-death struggle written by the family…

One post in particular struck me. It’s called “Kodesh.”

Kodesh

24 Jan 2012
By Robert

When my mother died in 1994, we sat Shiva for 6 days. At some point Owen, 5 years old, said to Joel’s mother on the phone, “Nanny died and we have been having a party ever since.”

This past weekend we were overwhelmed, in the best sort of way, by a flood of Kirby’s friends from all her walks of life. Burgundy Farm Country Day School first through third grade; CHDS, fourth through eighth grade; School Without Walls (SWW), high school; Smith, Engineering, Morrow House, Hillel, signing table; PowerCon; New York City; Capitol Hill; Temple Micah; and blood relatives. (With overlaps: Smith/NYC, CHDS/Capitol Hill, Temple Micah/Capitol Hill etc. etc.

Our neighbors opened their houses and hosted Kirby’s visitors, we filled beds on A Street and 9th Street. P, B and J played guitars and harp all day Saturday, filling the house with music. We ate, we drank, we washed dishes and cleaned up then started all over again. People came to Kirby’s bedside as individuals and in groups, singing to her, reading poetry to her, telling stories, reminiscing, showing her pictures, praying for her, crying, and sometimes just holding her hand as she appeared to sleep. We shared Shabbat dinner and Havdalah (end of Sabbath) services together, surrounding Kirby and embracing each other as we recited the prayers and performed the rituals.

As the Rabbi was leaving I shared my observation and concern that it was like an awake wake. Was this the right thing to be doing? He replied:

“The two words are
“Kodesh and chol
“This is the Havdalah prayer—we separate kodesh (holy) from chol (ordinary).
“The Hebrew word chol, besides meaning ordinary\secular\profane—also means sand. Sand is what flows right through your fingers. No grain of sand sticks to any other. This is chol—a totally unconnected world.
“Kodesh is the opposite—Kodesh is cleaving together—adhering—community. This is why the Hebrew word for marriage is Kiddushin—the married couple is bound together in the most unique way. Kodesh\holiness is in community.”

Kirby recently described herself as a networker, a connector, someone who brings others together. She has brought us all together in a community of holiness.

Life and death, the ordinary and the holy, separateness and sticking together, the bitter and the sweet. It’s all intertwined–sometimes messily, sometimes more cleanly. I pray comfort for the family and friends of Kirby. I wish that everyone had such a loving family and friends. (My friends Bill and Margaret did too.)

May we all work to be blessings to each other and to the whole world. May be all be brought together in a community of holiness.

A Lovely Gift

August 2, 2011

This morning a Facebook friend — a stranger really, but these days we can all be friends — shared this quote as an anniversary gift for Melinda and me on the occasion of celebrating our third year of legal marriage. It’s lovely, and I want to reshare it. (Thanks again, Michael.)

Three passions, simple but overwhelmingly strong, have governed my life: the longing for love, the search for knowledge, and unbearable pity for the suffering of mankind. These passions, like great winds, have blown me hither and thither, in a wayward course, over a great ocean of anguish, reaching to the very verge of despair.

I have sought love, first, because it brings ecstasy—ecstasy so great that I would often have sacrificed all the rest of life for a few hours of this joy. I have sought it, next, because it relieves loneliness—that terrible loneliness in which one shivering consciousness looks over the rim of the world into the cold unfathomable lifeless abyss. I have sought it finally, because in the union of love I have seen, in a mystic miniature, the prefiguring vision of the heaven that saints and poets have imagined. This is what I sought, and though it might seem too good for human life, this is what—at last—I have found.

With equal passion I have sought knowledge. I have wished to understand the hearts of men. I have wished to know why the stars shine. And I have tried to apprehend the Pythagorean power by which number holds sway above the flux. A little of this, but not much, I have achieved.

Love and knowledge, so far as they were possible, led upward toward the heavens. But always pity brought me back to earth. Echoes of cries of pain reverberate in my heart. Children in famine, victims tortured by oppressors, helpless old people a burden to their sons, and the whole world of loneliness, poverty, and pain make a mockery of what human life should be. I long to alleviate this evil, but I cannot, and I too suffer.

This has been my life. I have found it worth living, and would gladly live it again if the chance were offered me.

  • Bertrand Russell, The Autobiography of Bertrand Russell
    Bertrand Russell (1872-1970) won the Nobel prize for literature for his History of Western Philosophy and was the co-author of Principia Mathematica.
    For more, go to http://www.users.drew.edu/~jlenz/brs.html